honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
