____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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