He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
