seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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