in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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