so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
