went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
