Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
