i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
