I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
