What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
