We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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