It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
