Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
