you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
