apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He passed out mid-signature
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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