My room smells like vodka and shame
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
