Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
