cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
