So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
