I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize