You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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