its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
