dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
