Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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