Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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