she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
