Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
