I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
