Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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