but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
