I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The ass gains better be worth it
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