It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
