Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
