was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
