thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
