I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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