I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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