I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
