Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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