the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
