a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
