Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Green mimosas i think yes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
