video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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