i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
