R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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