I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
