theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
