Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
