I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
