Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
