This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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