drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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