I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
