The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he puts the penis in happiness.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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