respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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