what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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