This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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