Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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