I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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