i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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