I wish they made helmets for livers.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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