that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
