I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
