says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
