I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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