My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize