Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
did i just pee glitter
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize