I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
