How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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