I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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