yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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