My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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