paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We need to get me chipped asap
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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