your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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