So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
