planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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